Angry.

I'm trying to prepare for tomorrow's appointments with the OB and the Surgeon and I can't help but get upset. I am so MAD. I HATE that we are having to go thru this. I HATE reading posts on message boards that all these families are so freaking excited to bring their babies home in 7 weeks. UGH I am so MAD I could scream right now! I HATE that Elli won't be able to hold her little brother for weeks; that we won't be able to introduce our son to the "real world" for weeks, actually months since he will be so fragile and I will be to scared to take him anywhere. This IS NOT FAIR! I'm trying so hard to stay positive and trust in the Lord that everything is going to be ok but its easier said than done. I feel so helpless. I can't do anything but freaking sit here and wait for Evan to be born, just so he can be whisked away and handed over to someone to cut his chest open. I just dont understand why he will have to suffer to survive. WHY!!!!!!!!